I do believe, but I’d like to be more certain

by guest blogger Dylan Malloch

There’s a great moment in the film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where, close to reaching the fabled Holy Grail, Indiana has to take a leap of faith.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwMdb9YZkcw&feature=related)

He’s on one side of an enormous cavern and needs to reach the other side.  The only problem is, there’s no path… that he can see.

After a moment or two’s hesitation, Indie steps boldly out in faith and miraculously lands on an invisible path.

The fact the path existed was, scientifically speaking, never in doubt.  It existed, it was just invisible.

However, from the perspective of a mere mortal, all indications were the path didn’t exist, because you couldn’t see it.

It may sound crass, but this is very similar to one of the biggest obstacles I faced during what I refer to as my “Christianity Exploration” phase.  Ironically, the biggest obstacle I faced, was that I was certain God didn’t exist.

In my books, religion was just something people invented because they were scared of dying.  I pictured cavemen saying, “Hey, what if there was another world I could go to so I never actually died?  Awesome, right?”

I won’t go into my entire investigation process, but out of all the objections and tough questions I pondered as I investigated Christianity, the question of “did God really exist?” left them all in its wake.

You see, I could understand why Christians thought the way they did on issues like abortion, same sex marriage, euthanasia, etc, because they were starting from the perspective that God exists.  Once you believe in God, your entire world changes.

However, trying to believe in a being I couldn’t see or reduce to a formula (like x+y+z = God) to prove its existence was nigh on impossible.

When I was investigating Christianity in my late teens/early twenties, I read a ton of books.  I interviewed experts from both sides of the argument.  Ultimately I concluded, 1: There’s evidence Jesus existed.  2: Christians weren’t all stupid.  3: The fact that suffering exists didn’t prove God didn’t exist.

Yet I kept coming back to the fact that, ultimately, I’d have to make a choice: whether to take a leap of faith.

All my Christian friends were so certain God existed, yet I still had doubts.  In fact, it’s probably my biggest weakness as a Christian to this day – I still sometimes have my doubts that God exists.

Not often, I should add.  But sometimes.

In some ways though, I think it’s a good thing.  By constantly re-examining my faith, I’m making it stronger.  Even if it is a little painful from time to time.

It also helps in Mark 9:24, a man asks Jesus for exactly the same thing – “I do believe; help me with my unbelief.”

I feel like saying that to God all the time.  “God, I do believe you exist, but please help me believe it more!”

About the guest blogger: Dylan Malloch lives in Sydney (area), Australia and works in public relations. We “met” via Twitter, and when I found out more about his faith story, I begged him to share it on my blog. So thanks, Dylan! You can visit his website at DylanMalloch.com.